Entanglement: A Month With Rin
by Finn Solomon
Summary: The sequel to A Day With Rin. Hisao and Rin have finally reached a level of understanding between themselves, but the life of an artist holds new challenges of its own. To be with Rin, Hisao is prepared to sacrifice almost everything. But will it be enough?
1. Stability

Note:

Hello everyone. I hadn't intended to write any sequels to my one-shot Rin story, A Day With Rin. But recently, something amazing happened. I got the chance to visit Sendai in the Tohoku Region of Japan, as well as Tokyo for an overseas reporting assignment.

It was an utterly wonderful experience. Not only did I get to visit Japan for the first time in my life, I also actually visited Sendai and sort of followed in the footsteps of our favourite characters as I explored the city. It was a wonderful feeling to stand at the entrance of Sendai Station and see the a background screen from the game in real life right before your eyes, as well as experiencing the culture and beauty of Japan.

So I'm giving it another go. I had an inkling of an idea for how Rin and Hisao's life would continue after their beginnings at college, but my trip to Japan really gave me a lot of inspiration. I hope to incorporate my experiences into this story and others, as well as explore Rin and Hisao's relationship. I hope you like it, and if you do, please drop me a review or a message. Or even if you don't like it. Then I can figure out how to improve. Either way, have fun reading.

Thank you,

Finn.

**Chapter 1 - Stability**

Professor Ono seemed to have evolved the ability to speak continuously without needing to pause to take a breath. As he droned on and on about quarks and sub-light speed I found myself idly speculating on things like circular breathing and gas bladders. Biology had never been my strong suit, but five minutes in Ono's class and my mind demanded to focus on something, anything else other than physics.

I looked down at my notes. Instead of a dutiful list of facts and figures that would have been of immense help for the finals, there were a bunch of doodles and sketches. I'd been in the art club while attending Yamaku Academy, but I had largely given it up for the same reason that Salieri gave up music – I was always in the presence of someone infinitely better. And there she was, repeated over and over on my notes. Whenever I was bored, I liked to draw my girlfriend, Rin herself. Messy hair, large almond-shaped eyes with a slightly vacant expression. Rin would have been utterly at sea in my physics lecture, and I took some small comfort from that. Then again, she had demonstrated an unnerving tendency to understand things I had no clue about.

The professor glanced down at his wrist and stopped talking. Around him, my classmates looked up from their notes or woke up from their naps, unused to the sound of silence in the lecture theatre.

"Looks like I'm running a little late. The next week will be reserved for personal consultations to cover any material you're unsure of before the finals. Good afternoon."

I picked up my bag and was stowing away my books and other stuff when someone clapped me on the back. Instinctively my hand shot up and clutched at my chest, but thankfully I didn't feel any pain.

"Hisao? Are you ok?"

"Yeah it's – it's nothing," I managed to say, in a passably normal tone of voice. It was just a reflex, but I supposed it was a good sign that I didn't seem to be suffering from an attack. I saw my classmate Tsukiko standing beside me, looking concerned. So it was her who slapped me on the back. Tsukiko was a rather cute bespectacled girl of average height, who enjoyed the extra attention that came with being one of the few female students majoring in Physics. I supposed that we were friends, although the most we did was to sit beside each other during lectures.

"You sure?" she asked again.

"Yup, I'm fine. What's up?"

Tsukiko smiled. "Boring lecture huh?"

"Oh I don't know. They're all the same when it comes to Ono."

"I wanted to ask if I could copy some of your notes...but it looks like you weren't paying any more attention than I was."

I chuckled. "Guilty as charged." I placed the notepad in my bag and slung it over my shoulders.

"Um, would you like to have lunch?" asked Tsukiko after a moment's hesitation.

"I'm meeting my girlfriend Rin for lunch. We're going to this little noodle place in town."

"Oh, I didn't know you had a girlfriend..." she said. Was there a note of disappointment in her voice? Nah, it couldn't be.

"Rin's studying art, not science. You could join us if you like."

"I wouldn't like to intrude."

"Please, you won't be. I'll treat you to a drink of your choice. Only I'm rather broke at the moment and I have to go to work after lunch, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't order any expensive alcohol."

Tsukiko laughed. "Ok, I'll join you guys. I'd like to meet Rin."

"Let's go over to the Art Department then, I'm picking her up from there."

The Tohoku University's Art Department was a separate building on its own, situated right in the middle of the main campus. It was a remarkable mirrored-glass structure with fountains and gardens with stone sculptures, a marked difference from the gray, drab utilitarian facilities of the other departments. It was also hard to miss the stream of art students walking to and from the place. They were usually more creatively dressed than the rest of the student body. My workman-like shirt and slacks and Tsukiko with her t-shirt and jeans were the ones that stood out.

"It's so fancy."

"You've never been here before?"

"I've never actually had to take a class here. Maybe next semester."

"You should, it's really nice around here."

I led her through the corridors and stopped outside a large classroom. It had long tables, lots of windows, and was incredibly messy. Easels and canvases and art supplies were everywhere, with a few students in the room working on their own pieces in their own private little spaces.

Rin had a corner of her own and was industriously working on a new painting. In the past few days I had watched it grow from an indistinct mass of grey-blue into an abstract depiction of a stormy sky. If I looked closer I could just about make out a wall running along the bottom edge of the picture, and I knew the whole picture was a view of the sky from our apartment's balcony. It was a great feeling to know something about the painting that the rest of the world didn't. It was like our little secret, just the two of us.

I went up to her and placed my hands on her shoulders. Rin was wearing a turtleneck sweater and long pants with the cuffs rolled up to mid-shin to avoid paint splatters. Her casual dressing was more like mine and Tsukiko's than the rest of her art student cohort. She looked a little startled at the contact, then relaxed when she saw it was me.

"Hi," I said jovially, happy to see my girlfriend again after hours of mind-numbing physics.

"What are you doing here?" asked Rin, and I could see Tsukiko looking a little confused. A normal girlfriend would have been much less blunt. Then again, that's just how Rin rolls.

"Have you seen a clock lately? It's lunchtime. We're going to town, remember?"

"No."

I gave an exaggerated groan and Tsukiko giggled. "Well I'm reminding you now. There's this noodle place I want to try out, and I want to see you before I go to work."

Rin thought it over, then nodded. "I suppose I am a little hungry." Then without another word, she laid her brush on the floor, slid her feet through her sandals and stood up.

"Let's go. Will Hanako be joining us?"

"No, she said she had a meeting with her professor. What about your stuff?"

"It'll be here if I get back."

"You mean when."

"I mean if. I might be kidnapped along the way. Or a meteor could fall on my head and obliterate me and everything within a seventy mile radius."

"Is that...likely to happen?" asked Tsukiko hesitantly. I cut in before things could get worse.

"Rin, this is Maeda Tsukiko, from my physics class. Tsukiko, this is my girlfriend Tezuka Rin."

"Pleased to meet you," said Tsukiko, bowing her head a little. After a prod from me, Rin did the same.

"Hello. Are you a scientist too?"

"I hope to be."

"What a good answer. I must remember that one."

And with that, she turned and walked out of the classroom. Tsukiko shot me a glance, and I could do little but shrug.

The buses down to Sendai were extremely crowded during the lunch hour, but that didn't matter so much. It was a pleasant walk into the city anyway. I had my arm around Rin's waist, all the while chatting to Tsukiko as we came down from the hill. Rin kept mostly silent, slowing down from time to time to look at interesting passers-by or comment on oddly shaped clouds.

After a bit of searching, I managed to find the noodle shop I had noticed on my way back from work earlier in the week. The shop was tucked away between a large office building and a post office, and there was already a good queue lining up outside.

"Should I go find a table?" asked Tsukiko.

"There's no need," I said. "We're ordering take-away so we can go to the park and eat there."

"Why the park?"

"So that Rin can eat," I said. "The place is really cramped and there's no way she can use her feet in here."

"Oh...sorry," said Tsukiko, going red. Rin shook her head.

"It's ok. Hisao forgets sometimes too."

"We're lucky the weather is so nice," I said. "It'd be nicer to eat outside, don't you think?"

After a short wait I asked for three bowls of spicy pork ramen, to be taken away. I had to pay a little extra for the plastic bowls, but I handed it over without complaint. Then it was off to the park. A lot of people had the same idea, eating their lunches in the sun. Rin sat down on a relatively clean patch of grass without warning, prompting Tsukiko and I to stop and do the same.

"You didn't ask what I wanted," said Rin, inspecting her bowl of ramen.

"This is the house specialty. Salarymen from miles around queue up to try it. Go on, I'm sure you'll like it."

"But what if I don't?"

"Then you can decide where to go for our next lunch."

Rin looked as though this was an acceptable deal. As Tsukiko watched, Rin picked up her fork between her toes and dug into her bowl, eating just as quickly as she was doing with her hands. The talk turned to school and the looming spectre of the exams. Tsukiko was intrigued by the fact that Rin had no finals, but had a bunch of semester-long assignments to complete instead.

"You're lucky," said Tsukiko.

"Am I?" said Rin in mild surprise. "I suppose so, I was lucky to get my scholarship. I'm lucky that our apartment has enough juice in the fridge to drink. And I'm lucky that Hisao loves me."

Tsukiko blushed scarlet. Rin's frank and open manner of speaking was something that took people by surprise, especially when talking to others for the first time. "No, I meant your exam assignments," she said. "I'd like to not worry about cramming for a final paper."

Rin shrugged. I noticed it was rather similar to mine, and idly wondered who influenced who first.

"I didn't like those kinds of papers either. But isn't that why we came to university, to study the way we want to study about things we want to study about? If you don't like the way the physics department conducts its finals, why don't you switch courses?"

"It's not that easy."

"It's not?"

I coughed. "It's different for other people Rin. Let's leave it at that."

The rest of the meal continued in awkward silence, with only Rin seemingly unaffected by it. She finished her food, balanced her bowl on the top of her foot, and then swiftly volleyed it into an open trash can.

"At least you didn't miss this time," I said dryly, as Tsukiko watched, her mouth open.

"I liked it after all Hisao," said Rin, turning and giving me a rare smile. "You do pick good places to eat."

"It's my secret talent."

"Could you teach it to me?"

"I don't know. It's an ancient and secret technique. I learned it while I was away in the mountains in a mystic temple."

Tsukiko chuckled at my little joke while they cleared up their own packets. Rin meanwhile was looking thoughtful, before her eyes lit up like she was struck by a sudden realisation.

"That can't be true."

"What?"

"You can't have learned it in a mystic temple. You don't own any camping gear. So you couldn't have visited the mountains."

Tsukiko once again looked as though she'd missed a step, but I remained as calm as ever.

"Flawlessly reasoned," I said, and Rin looked happy. She looked happier still when I gave her a kiss on the cheek and a hug.

"Alright, I have to get to work. What about you Tsukiko?"

"I need to get back to campus."

"Great, Rin does too. Could you do me a favour and see she gets there alright?" I said, with the last bit delivered in a whisper.

"Um, sure."

"Thanks! See you ladies soon." I walked away, and Rin took off in the opposite direction, apparently eager to get back to the university. Tsukiko followed her. It had been a day of surprises thus far. Not only did I have a girlfriend, but I'd be willing to bet that Rin was utterly unlike anyone she had ever met before.

"Tell me Tsukiko..."

"Yes?"

"Tell me everything you know about butterflies."

**Later that night**

I reflected that while the rainy afternoon when I made love to Rin for the first time would probably never be bettered, we'd been trying to top it ever since. Although we still hadn't succeeded, I enjoyed the practice.

I stretched my arms, lying full length on the sheets and watched Rin get up from the bed and wander around the room, looking for her clothes. I liked to cuddle afterwards and once in a great while Rin would too, but more often than not she would be restless, as if making love fired off some creative spark within her that demanded to be set down on paper or canvas as quickly as possible.

I helped her put on her panties and a large T-shirt that was big on me and bigger still on her, but one that she liked wearing to bed. Then she walked out of the bedroom without another word. I rolled over on my stomach and checked the little alarm clock on our bed side table. It was nearing midnight and I had work the next morning, but strangely enough I felt a little restless too. It was as if being with Rin was all that I needed to overcome my usual sleepiness.

I pulled on my boxers and went into the living room, frowning as I saw Rin sitting on her little chair on the balcony, looking up into the night sky. She was studying the stars with mild concentration, and I knew that she was lost, a million miles away. Physically she was here, but her mind was out there, among the stars, wheeling and soaring and leaving the Earth and everything and everyone in it far behind.

It bothered me still, even now, that Rin would never truly be tethered to this planet, that at any moment her mind would detach from the cares of this world and focus on something so far away and so alien to me that I would never have a hope of understanding it. I wanted to be with her, and to understand her, and this made it hard. I suppose the only thing that made it bearable was that I knew she would eventually come back, and that when she did the first thing she would do was to look for me.

I watched her silently, leaning against a wall, as Rin drank in the sight of the night sky, eyes wide open, recording every inch and every moment. After a long while she got up and went over to me. I knew she wanted a hug without asking, so I wrapped my arms around her and let my body heat warm her up a little after spending so long out in the open.

"Hey. What're you thinking?" I whispered, my voice muffled a little by her hair. I loved the feel of her in my arms, her skin under mine, her feminine scent filling the air.

"I can't explain it to you, Hisao," she said, and my heart sank. In one sentence, she had managed to say the one thing that would hurt me the most. The fact that after all this time I couldn't and most likely would never truly be able to understand her.

But instead of getting angry, I held on to her and said something else.

"Try."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes baby. Please try."

Rin took a deep breath, and then launched into a long spiel about the sky and the way it made her feel, the way it kept changing even though it remained constant in her life, always over her head wherever she went, and how confusing it was that something so permanent could be so fluid at the same time.

If I was being honest, I would have to confess that I had no idea what Rin was going on about. At midnight, and just after we'd made love. But that was Rin, and I had accepted long ago that I would have to put up with moments like this if it meant being able to be with her.

I pointed out something that made a little bit of sense to me, and gave my own perspective on it. While I sensed that Rin didn't feel I had fully grasped what she was trying to say, she seemed happy enough that I was making the effort. Eventually she went back to bed, turned over and promptly fell asleep.

A breeze blew into our apartment, reminding me that Rin left the window open. I shut it and then got back into bed next to her, softly stroking her beautiful red hair with my hand.

"I love you," I said quietly, to myself. Then I tried to fall asleep as quickly as Rin had, but I spent a long time looking at her slumber peacefully before I could nod off myself.

Tsukiko and I had lunch together a few times since that first time, with Rin joining us if she was free. More often than not, she wouldn't be. She had finished her painting of the sky as seen from our apartment window and had moved on to something else that was taking up almost all of her time.

Even after a few weeks worth of progress, I still had no clue what it was supposed to depict. Painted in Rin's signature abstract style, with lots of colours and no discernible shape or form, she mentioned it was intended to be part of her final submission for this semester's assignments. Although I supposed it was a good thing she was spending a lot of time working hard on it, I was worried that Rin was slipping back into her bad old habits of not eating and not taking time off to have a break and talk to me.

The worst thing about it all was that I couldn't focus too much on her, as my own workload was beginning to pile up and the exam schedule was looming over the horizon as well. The difference between college science and high school science is...enormous. In the past I could have cruised through with a few hours of hard work and done the rest by intuition. But college is a whole new level. If I didn't keep working flat-out, every day, I would quickly fall behind the rest of the class and struggle to keep up.

What with my own studies, and my job, and Rin's tendency to withdraw and not discuss the things that are on her mind, I was feeling more than a little frustrated myself. From time to time I caught myself thinking of an easier time, back when we were all still at Yamaku and the future seemed a problem for another day.


	2. Make Yourself At Home

**Chapter 2 – Make Yourself At Home**

**A year ago**

**Yamaku Academy**

Rin and I couldn't do some of the things that normal couples could. The most obvious would be the fact that we didn't really understand each other. Unlike say Takashi and Molly, I couldn't just ask Rin what she felt like doing or where she felt like going and get a straight answer. She couldn't ask me what was on my mind either, because like as not she wouldn't understand my thoughts either.

But just as equally obvious, we couldn't hold hands. I liked physical contact, and the fact of the matter is that Rin and I couldn't do a simple yet intimate thing like holding hands. We had our ways though.

It was an absolutely beautiful summer's day, and we were sitting on the grass on the Yamaku Academy grounds, back to back. Rin's thin body rested easily against mine, and I could feel every breath that she took. We liked to go to the dandelion-filled meadow a little bit away from school too, but neither of us felt like walking such a long distance.

I had a book in one hand and a can of juice in the other, while Rin was alternating between staring at the sky and watching the people passing by. I sipped my juice as I idly flipped through the pages, it was a story about a girl and her handicapped baby brother. I never had any siblings, and Rin didn't have any either. I supposed it was one of the few things in common that we shared and the realisation made me feel a little bit happier. It was a small thing, but at least it was something.

"Hey Nakai! Toss that ball back here, willya?"

I looked up, Miki Miura, the tall tanned girl from my class, was waving to me with her one good hand. A soccer ball had come to a stop near where we were sitting.

"That is, if you can bear to be apart from Tezuka for two seconds," continued Miki, in a teasing tone. I put my book and juice down and stood up with a grunt. Rin on the other hand flopped down backwards into the grass. Miki chuckled.

"Here, catch!"

Miki caught the ball easily, even with one hand. She seemed much more agile and coordinated than either Rin or myself. But instead of walking away, she came a little closer.

"So are you two really...you know..."

I cut her off before she could go any further.

"Yeah, we are," I said simply.

Miki grinned, clearly delighted. Rin craned her neck a little to look at the pair of us.

"What are we, Hisao?"

"We're a couple."

"Are we?"

"Well, aren't we?"

"Not right now, I should imagine," said Rin. "With Miura here, we're a triple."

I started to say something, but then my mind went straight to the gutter about the proverbial meneage a trois and I couldn't stop a blush from spreading all over my face. Miki saw it and burst into a peal of explosive laughter.

"Damnit Nakai, you're way too easy to fluster."

Rin looked quizzically at Miki as she wiped away a tear. "Aren't you a runner?"

"Among other things," replied Miki. "You're an artist, right?"

"Among other things."

"I heard about your big art show thingy. Not a lot of students get time off with exams so close. Did it go well?"

"Not at all," said Rin serenely, unruffled by Miki's confused look. "I lost some things. But I gained some things too. And I've had time to think about it, and I think now that the things I gained were better than the things I lost. At least, that's what I think now. I could think differently tomorrow."

"Do you talk like this all the time?"

"Like what?"

"Pretty much," I said. Miki raised an eyebrow.

"Never imagined you'd go for the quirky ones Nakai," she said to me. "I wagered the quiet, bookish ones were more your type. Someone like Ikezawa would have been my bet."

"Wait, you were waging money on me?" I asked, shocked. "And Ikezawa? Hanako Ikezawa? Whatever gave you that idea?"

"Come on, she's the only other person I know who has their nose in a book all day. And you can't blame us can you, being a transfer student and all, of course we were curious..."

"I definitely can!"

"Did you win?" asked Rin, all of a sudden.

"Win what?" said Miki, wrong-footed yet again.

"Your bet," said Rin. She was taking the revelation that my classmates had treated my love life as a form of light entertainment much better than I was. But she wasn't letting me get a word in edgeways, and it was helping me to calm down.

"Uh, no. Suzu won, actually."

"How curious. I must speak to her soon," said Rin. She turned her eyes skyward again, seemingly finished with the conversation. Miki turned back to me.

"Look Nakai...I just wanted to say I'm happy, ya know. For the two of you."

I thought about making a sarcastic remark, then decided against it. Miki was a friend after all, and I knew she wouldn't say something like that without meaning it.

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

"You were kinda out of it, when you first came here. But you seem better now."

"I really was," I said, thinking back on all the dark emotions I felt in the immediate aftermath of my hospital stay. "But I think everyone goes through something like that at least once in their lives. I'm glad she helped me pull through it."

"Well if you're not too busy spending time with your new _girlfriend,_" said Miki, intentionally drawing out the word, "Come hang out with us sometime. No art discussions though."

"I wouldn't expect there to be any," I said teasingly. "But thanks. I will."

"Hey Hisao!" called another voice. It was Emi, waving cheerily at us. But her expression changed when she saw who was with me.

"Miura," she said, her sweet tones replaced with one that was positively frosty.

"Ibarazaki," returned Miki, all cool politeness. She deliberately turned away to look at me.

"I'll see you around then, Nakai. Have a good day."

Emi watched her retreating back with palpable distaste on her features. Then she rounded on me.

"What are you doing, talking to that woman Hisao?"

I stared at her in disbelief. "Emi, she's my friend! Are you saying I can't talk to her?"

"You shouldn't be talking to the girl who almost made me lose the 200 meter dash!"

"You won that race, as I recall," said Rin, her monotone voice stopping Emi's righteous fury in her tracks. "I don't know why you're so worked up over her."

"She's my sworn rival and arch enemy!"

"It must be interesting, to have an arch enemy," said Rin. "I never had one before. I wonder what that must be like."

"Now don't be ridiculous," I said, struggling to inject a measure of sanity into the conversation. "Miki's not anybody's enemy, she's a friend of mine."

"You're such a traitor, Hisao," huffed Emi. "Befriending my sworn rival. Come on Rin, let's ditch Hisao and go someplace else."

"No thanks," said Rin. "I don't want to leave Hisao."

As ridiculous as it seemed, that little statement from Rin made me feel much happier. Perhaps it was the way she said it, quiet and matter-of-fact, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Maybe it was because it came after learning that my classmates didn't think we were the most likely people to get together in the first place. Whatever it was, it made an already good day even better.

"I knew this would happen," said Emi, looking so deflated it was hilarious. "Once a girl has a boyfriend, she never has any time for her friends. It's like a law of the universe."

"Like how an artist will get bad luck if they see their unfinished work?" asked Rin, suddenly interested.

"Maybe."

"Come on Emi, that's not true. In fact, I'm making you a deal. Why don't all of us go into town now and have lunch. You see the way we're not leaving you out?"

Emi's mood turned sunny once more. "Okay, deal! On one condition – you're treating me."

"No."

"Okay, you're treating me to dessert."

"No."

"Come on Hisao! At least buy me a drink?"

"I'll buy you a drink if you promise not to try and worm any more free stuff out of me."

"Deal!"

The three of us headed to town, talking and laughing, Rin included. I took some time to admire the wide, tree-lined streets of Sendai, so unlike the seething mass of humanity in Tokyo. It was still a big city, with skyscrapers and shopping malls and a huge train station, but it was a lot calmer than the capital. I really liked walking around in it, Sendai was a nice middle ground between the isolation of Yamaku and the human hive that was my old neighbourhood.

"Where do you girls want to eat?"

"I don't know."

"Ice cream parlour!"

"I want something a little more substantial than ice cream first. How about this teppanyaki place?"

"No, our clothes will stink of the smoke."

"Ok fine. Mos Burger?"

"I don't feel like Western food."

"Korean grill?"

"Not Korean either."

"For crying out loud, we're eating at the next place I see and that's final. Ok, there it is."

"Ramen store! You picked a good place, Hisao."

"I don't mind ramen."

"Thank all the gods. Let's go in."

I pushed the hanging curtain aside and held up three fingers to the waitress. If she was surprised at Rin's empty sleeves or Emi's artificial legs, she did a good job of hiding it. We were led to a table near the back and quickly placed three orders for three bowls of pork, beef and vegetable ramen. The orders came much quicker than I expected.

"It's strange, you know, how much bigger the portions of food are in the North as compared to Tokyo," I said, looking at my bowl of beef ramen.

"Oh? Got something against food from the Miyagi Prefecture then, Tokyo boy?" challenged Emi, pointing a chopstick at me like a sword.

"Definitely. You poor country bumpkins don't know what real food is," I said, being deliberately annoying. But Emi looked like she was about to blow a gasket.

"You take that back right now, Hisao Nakai! You are a guest in our home province, and you're heavily outnumbered here."

"Hey, I was praising the food here, if you were paying attention. I like how much further you can stretch your yen."

"That's true enough," said Emi with a nod, her mood as changeable as a weathervane. With a flash of her chopsticks, she swiped a large slice of beef from my bowl.

"Hey!"

"That's for the insult. Now we can eat."

Rin nodded, chewing on a mouthful of sprouts. "Watching the two of you makes me hungry."

We slurped our noodles for a while, enjoying the hot soup. I paused as something about what Emi said caught my attention.

"Hey Emi."

"Hmm?"

"I was thinking...what are your plans after graduation? Are you going to keep up your athletics career?"

"Of course," said Emi. "It's what I'm good at."

"I agree. But what are you aiming for?"

"I thought about it for a while. I could go to Tohoku U, right here. But their athletics program isn't very well known."

"But you still want to try out?"

"Yeah. I mean, my mum's living nearby. I know she'd like it better if I went to a college closer to her. But..."

"But?"

"Part of me wants to go for Tokyo U. Just to see if I can. I mean, it's the best school in the country right? Probably the best in Asia. If there's a chance to go for the best, then why the hell not?"

"Why not indeed," I said, a little distantly.

"Anyway, do you wanna come along to the Tohoku U Open House?"

"Oh, is that coming up soon?"

"Sure is. It might give you a few ideas. Have you thought about what you're going to do, once you graduate?"

I nodded. I had thought about this for a long time, and it heartened me that the normally flighty Emi had given some serious thought to the matter as well.

"I think I want to study science. Physics, most probably. I want to be a scientist in the future."

Emi gave me a megawatt grin. "I think that suits you, Hisao. You can understand all the weird crap Mutou keeps jabbering on about that I never can."

I laughed. "Well I wouldn't say that..."

"Oh quit acting all modest. Scientist huh? Tohoku U would be perfect for you. It's supposed to be even better at science and research than Tokyo U right?"

"That's what they say," I said, surprised that Emi would know that little fact. I hadn't known either, until Mr Mutou told me about it. I nudged Rin with my shoulder. She looked surprised at the contact.

"What about you Rin? Any plans?"

Rin took a long time thinking it over before replying.

"I'll go with both of you to the Open House. I would like to see their Art Department."

"Yeah come with us!" said Emi excitedly. "It'd be fun."

"I'm not sure," said Rin. "What if we discover that the thing we set our heart on doing wasn't the thing that we were meant to do after all? That would be terrible."

"I think one Open House wouldn't be enough to shake us from our passion in life," I said. "No matter how disastrous it would be."

"Hisao's right. I don't care what anyone says, I have my heart set on running for Tohoku U," said Emi, flourishing her arm theatrically. Her chopsticks flew out of her grasp and bounced off the head of the guy behind her.

"Ouch! Watch it!"

"Sorry!" said Emi, turning a brilliant shade of red. I had to laugh, and Rin joined in. Emi glared at us, looking for all the world like an annoyed puppy, and it just made the both of us laugh harder.

**xxxx**

"Hisao?"

I looked up at the sound of Rin's voice and tucked away the Tohoku University brochure I had been reading. Other students had been passing by me as I waited at the school gates, holding the same brochure, and I supposed we would see them at the Open House as well.

"Hi Rin," I said, and gave her a little peck on the cheek. Rin looked surprised, but didn't say anything so I assumed she liked it. "Where's Emi?"

"I don't know. She said she had to go take care of something. She asked me to go and find you first," said Rin. Instead of her usual school uniform, she was wearing a nice green plaid shirt and blue jeans. It looked very stylish with her dark red hair, and I told her so.

"I didn't think about the colour," said Rin. She looked so thoughtful I felt it was a shame to interrupt whatever she was thinking, so I looked through the brochure some more. It looked as though we had to go into town, get to Sendai Station, and then take another bus from there to get to Tohoku University.

"Do you know where we're going?" asked Rin, her reverie apparently over.

"I think so. I'm not sure. We might get lost. What about you?"

"No."

"...let's hope Emi can do better."

"Better at what?" asked Emi. She had snuck up behind us, but Rin was so laid-back she was impossible to scare, and Emi knew better than to try and play any stupid tricks on me lest I suffer a heart attack and die. I had already sworn to rise as a ghost and haunt her for eternity in the event that ever happened.

I thrust the brochure at her. "We have to get to Sendai Station first, then look around for the shuttle bus that will take us to the university."

"Oh that! Easy peasy," said Emi. She was wearing a tight yellow t-shirt, a denim skirt, and had her orange and yellow striped socks pulled up almost to her knees over her artificial legs. She was also carrying a file with her.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Just a few newspaper clippings, tournament records and stuff like that," said Emi. "You know, in case any potential athletics recruiters are hanging around."

"That's actually a very good idea. Rin, do you have a portfolio like that?"

"No."

"Why am I not surprised? Wait, I think I still have the card from your art exhibition. Hold on a minute."

The two girls watched as I opened up my wallet and shook out its contents. An amazing amount of junk fell out. I had the habit of keeping things like ticket stubs and namecards and other pieces of paper in my wallet, and they all fell away, along with a couple of one yen coins. The one yen coin must be the most useless coin in the entire universe. Even the Nepalese rupee is worth more. I think it actually costs more than one yen to make a one yen coin, so the government is losing money with each new coin they mint. No wonder the country's in such horrible debt.

"There it is! The invitation card," I said at last. The card was a little dinged, but it still looked very nice. Gold embossed with shiny gold lettering on the front, as well as one of Rin's paintings printed on the front. It appeared to depict an aborted foetus, and for a moment I wished with all my heart that Rin would paint pictures of cute puppies and kittens and penguins and things like that. I wondered if it would scare away any prospective art professors, but I eventually decided if they were true artists, they wouldn't mind. Crazy is as crazy does.

"This should be enough to prove that you're a bonafide artist."

"But I'm not a bonafide artist. I don't even come from France."

"Can I have your one yen coins if you don't want them?"

"No."

"Jerk."

Finding Sendai Station was no problem at all, it was one of the most prominent landmarks in the city. But finding the right bus was a problem. We walked in and out of the big department store next to the station (where Rin decided to get a snack) before we finally found the right queue for the bus. It was full of kids our age, some in school uniforms and others in casual clothing, some with parents to accompany them, almost all of them holding the brochures and chatting excitedly about the big event.

"Have you ever been to Tohoku U?" asked Emi, while we were waiting in line.

"No."

"Me neither."

"I hope it's a nice place. You know how when we were little, we'd have this idea of what university life would be like? I used to imagine a nice big campus, with trees and wide lawns and lots of cool looking people in trendy clothes talking about worldly things."

I smiled. It wasn't like Emi to get sentimental. I could identify with that though.

"I know what you mean. I had the same vision, a really refined, posh place where I could meet cool people and study interesting things. Who knows? Maybe Tohoku U will be exactly what we hoped for. What about you, Rin?"

Rin considered the question, rocking back and forth slightly in her sandals. Then she spoke.

"I never really thought about going to a university. But I have always wanted to go to a place where I could paint, and maybe watch other people paint or sculpt or mount installations and see how they create art. All of us creating something together. Everyone different, but same at the same time."

"I'm sure you'll find something like that there."

"You think so?"

"I'm sure of it."

The bus arrived in a short while and we got on. It was packed to the gills with people on their way to Tohoku U, and none of us could get a seat. To distract myself from the crush and the uncomfortable warmth of the bus, I started looking around at the people who were riding along with us. Most of the faces were unfamiliar, but I caught a glimpse of something that rang a bell.

I nudged Rin with my shoulder and tossed my head in the other direction. "Hey Rin. Isn't that Ikezawa?"

Rin squinted, then nodded her head. "I think so."

"Ikezawa?" asked Emi. Being shorter than either of us, she couldn't see as well. "From your class? What's she doing here?"

"Maybe she's on her way to visit the ruins of Sendai Castle," suggested Rin. "Maybe she's going to speak to the ghost of Date Masamune that haunts his statue."

"Or maybe she's just going to visit the Open House like everyone else," I groaned.

"But where's the tall blonde foreign girl whom she follows around everywhere? Is she there?" asked Emi.

"Do you mean Lilly Satou?" I said. I did a quick check, definitely no tall blonde girls anywhere. "I don't see her around."

"That's weird," said Rin. "They're inseparable. Like a ham and cheese sandwich that's been toasted. You can try to pry apart the ham and cheese, but it's very very difficult. I know. I've tried it. It was messy. And no matter how hard you try some cheese will always be stuck to the ham."

"Well this ham's without her cheese for now," I said, looking at Ikezawa again. She was in casual clothes like us, denim jacket, black tights, boots and a beret perched atop her long dark hair. But unlike us, she looked utterly terrified at being out and about by herself. A man glanced in her general direction, and I actually saw her flinch.

"This is a mystery!" said Emi jubilantly. "We must solve it."

"Must we?" asked Rin. "I thought we were going to the Open House. If I knew we were solving mysteries today, I would have brought along my pipe. Like that guy in the English stories, the one who liked cocaine."

"You have a pipe?"

"Will you two give her a break," I said. "She's probably feeling a bit lost without Satou around."

"Maybe you should go over there and chat her up," said Emi maliciously. "I'm sure she'd appreciate a big strong _man _to show her around."

I blushed furiously. "It's nothing like that! She's sort of a friend, that's all. We're classmates."

Rin looked singularly unperturbed at this discussion of my infidelity, right in front of her. "Maybe you should, Hisao. She looks like Odysseus trying to get back to Ithaca. All lost and confused."

One of these days, I promised myself silently, I would do a bit more reading and try to figure out Rin's weird references. The bus was coming to its first stop, outside the Physics and Science Department. The driver called out the destination, and a bunch of people readied themselves to get off.

"Hey, this is our stop."

"Is it? I thought we were going to the Art Department."

"Yes we are, but I need to check out my future as well. We can walk over to the Art Department later."

"Don't forget the track!"

"The track too. Come on!"

With minimal pushing and shoving, we managed to extract ourselves from the bus and take our first steps around the campus of Tohoku University. Unlike the gleaming facade of Tokyo University, Tohoku U looked a little older, a little more worn, a little bit less polished. The buildings looked less imposing than the ones at other universities elsewhere. They didn't even look as impressive as the facilities at Yamaku Academy.

Yet despite all that, I felt myself drawn to it. The campus seemed comfortable, less hectic, which paradoxically gave it a more academic air. I supposed part of the reason why I felt this way was that I had gotten used to the peaceful surroundings at Yamaku. I found myself liking the calm, the quiet, and the open spaces. I thought about going back to Tokyo to study, with its massive crush of humanity filling every nook and cranny and inch of the place. Somehow I didn't see myself doing that.

"Free gifts! Over there, Hisao!"

I allowed myself to be dragged by Emi over to a couple of tables where student volunteers were handing out bags of free gifts. A university girl smiled at me as she handed me a tote bag. I took it and looked inside, it seemed to be filled with more brochures, pamphlets, a old-fashioned style fan, a free drink, and a few coupons of some kind.

"Here you go! Oh..."

I knew instantly what had happened even before I looked up, the girl had just noticed that Rin had no arms to take the bag. Moving quickly, I grabbed it for her.

"Thank you."

"You too, enjoy your time here at Tohoku University."

But as we moved away, I could have sworn that I heard the girl whisper to her friend "Yamaku..."

Fortunately, Emi hadn't noticed the little exchange, or else she might have snapped back a sharp retort. She was busy looking through the bag, seemingly satisfied with what she had gotten.

"All this looks really interesting! Here Rin, take a look."

As Rin peered into the bag, held open by Emi, my attention wandered elsewhere. I spotted Ikezawa standing off to one side, looking at a map of the campus. She didn't have a goodie bag and for a moment I wondered if she was simply too shy to approach the volunteers. In a split second, I made a decision.

I asked for another bag from the students manning the table and went over to Ikezawa. A group of rowdy boys had just walked past her and she lowered her head and turned away almost on reflex, trying to move away from them. Unfortunately, this meant bumping into me.

"So sorry!" she squeaked. "I'm so sorry!"

But before she could scuttle away, I called out to her.

"Hey, Ikezawa! It's me, Hisao Nakai. I didn't expect to see you here today."

She looked at me, and I saw the light of recognition in her one visible eye. She looked like she'd rather be fighting a dragon than to say something to me. But she did.

"H-hello Hisao...I mean, Nakai..."

I laughed. "You can call me Hisao if you like, I'm used to it."

Ikezawa looked around frantically, as if someone would come and save her from the terrifying prospect of talking to me. But of course, there was nobody.

"T-thank you. Y-you can call me H-Hanako too, if you p-prefer."

"I think I'd like that," I said, trying to be cheerful. It was clear that Hanako was extremely, even cripplingly shy, and that without her best friend to help her she was having a few problems. But I reminded myself that she had managed to come to the university by herself after all.

I didn't know much about her, but something I learned from spending time with Rin was that everybody wanted to be understood, and to be acknowledged as a person. Not just another number or random face in the background. With that in mind, I decided not to treat Hanako any differently than how I would Emi, for example. Hopefully, she'd respond in kind.

"Here's a gift bag. I happened to have one extra," I said, but Hanako smiled a little at my small joke. She took the bag with a soft 'thanks' and looked through it. While she was engaged in that, Rin and Emi wandered over.

"Oh Hisao! Have you left us to go and cavort with another -"

Emi was cut off midsentence by the warning look on my face. Even she knew when I was being absolutely serious. Besides the effect it would have on Hanako, I felt it wouldn't be respectful to my relationship with Rin. Not that Rin would care about such social conventions, but it made me feel all the more that I should keep things up on my end.

"Oh. Uh. Hey there, Ikezawa."

Hanako looked startled at more people coming over, but she managed a couple of bows.

"Good afternoon Ibarazaki, Tezuka."

Emi bowed back and Rin nodded. "Hello. It's nice to see you when there's sunlight. For a while I thought you might be a vampire that only comes out at night."

There was a terrible, hanging-by-a-thread kind of moment, and then...

Emi couldn't take it and started laughing, and after a second I decided to join in. Not because it was particularly funny to tease Hanako, but the idea of her as a blood-sucking vampire was so completely at odds with the shy girl I knew from my classes.

A look of intense fear flashed across Hanako's face. But it subsided, and I think I knew why. Emi and I weren't laughing at her. We were laughing at Rin's blunt honesty. And I suspected Hanako hadn't taken part in something like this, a group of friends sharing a joke, for a long time.

She smiled, a little weakly, but it was there. "Well I'm...I'm not."

Rin looked disappointed. "Oh. It would have been better if you were. I collect interesting people, you see. A vampire would have been very interesting. I might not need to collect another person for years if I managed to get a vampire."

After a kick from me, Rin added "Not that you aren't interesting. You could be. And not just because of your scars either."

Once again, Hanako looked as though she had no idea what to do with the wrecking ball that was Rin's brutally honest observations. Bereft of the easy way out (which would be to run away, screaming), she had no choice but to move forward.

"I-I...I think it's interesting that you collect people," she managed to say. Inside, I was just glad Rin had correctly interpreted my wordless plea with her to be polite, or at least somewhat more polite. It was a good sign that we were understanding each other better.

As Rin started to walk away in the direction of the Physics building, she launched into her explanation of 'collecting' interesting people, which to my mind sounded a lot like some big-game hunter tracking down his targets and mounting their heads on the walls of his den. But Hanako was following her, and appeared to be paying attention. Emi let them get a little bit ahead of us, then punched me in the arm.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"That went pretty well, don'cha think?"

"I think it went as well as anyone could hope for when one girl with extreme shyness about the way she looks meets another girl with absolutely no filter on her mouth."

"That's what I meant. Well done, Hisao," said Emi, tipping me a wink. Then she was off, and it was all I could do to keep up with her as well.

Universities couldn't always be places of wonder and enchantment, but just for the day Tohoku University managed to look like one. There was an intriguing array of booths and demonstrations, and even the usually staid and boring departments like the Sciences had prepared something that would interest prospective students. The four of us watched a demonstration of faster-than-light travel, tried on a 3D virtual reality helmet used by geologists to map the Earth, took pictures of an actual seismograph that measured the aftershocks of earthquakes, and finished walking through the entire building after about an hour.

I had left the others to speak to a professor about the qualifications for getting in. He informed me the standards were very high, but if I demonstrated an aptitude and interest in the sciences there was no reason why I couldn't join.

"Thank you, sir," I said after he had finished, bowing. The professor gave me a polite bow in return and walked away. I looked around for my friends, but unfortunately they were attracting quite a bit of attention. Rin might not have noticed anything untoward, but the combination of her lack of arms and Hanako's scars, inadequately hidden by her long hair, was causing quite a few people to point and whisper.

Once upon a time that would have bothered me. Now I just felt a slight sense of pity that the onlookers probably didn't know that Rin had sold a painting for thousands of yen, or that Hanako had read the entire fiction wing of the Yamaku Library, or that Emi was a champion athlete. People tended to fixate on the external, and a year ago I would have been one of them.

"Anyone up for lunch?" I asked, deliberately walking into their midst and ignoring the stares of the crowd around us.

"Good idea!"

"S-sure."

"I hope this place has better food than Yamaku."

The school canteen was far too packed with visitors, so instead we bought bento boxes and onigiri from a campus convenience store and looked around for a place to eat. There was a little park nearby the Science Department, and we sat down beneath a gazebo.

After a round of small talk, I decided to ask Hanako something that had been on my mind.

"Hey, Hanako."

She didn't flinch, and met my gaze. "Yes?"

"Why did you come here on your own? Was Lilly Satou busy?"

Hanako didn't look annoyed or surprised, as I was half-expecting. Instead, she looked deeply sad at the mention of her friend.

"L-Lilly isn't in Japan," she explained. "Her family lives in Scotland, and they wanted her to come live with them. Lilly thought it over for a while, but in the end she decided to leave."

Emi looked thunderstruck. "Waitaminute, she left Japan? For good?"

Hanako nodded miserably. "Yes. She said she'd visit, b-but..."

I felt a rush of sympathy for Hanako. I knew how close the two girls were, seeing them meet up after class practically every day. For her best friend in the world to leave Japan permanently, it must have been awful. Especially in Hanako's case, as she appeared to have difficulty making friends. I certainly hadn't noticed her mixing with Shizune and Misha, or even Miki, Molly, Takashi and Taro in our class.

"You must miss her," said Rin, and the oddity that was Rin making a tactful comment made me look at her in amazement. But Rin was focused on Hanako, who didn't seem put off by the scrutiny. Was it because that Rin was so much more obviously disabled than Hanako was, and she didn't seem to care? Or was it because of Rin's manner of speaking, twisty as a maze when it came to me but as straight and blunt as a two-by-four when addressing Hanako, getting around her shyness simply by ignoring it? Whatever the reason, Hanako seemed a little less nervous around Rin than anyone else.

"I do," she said softly. "I-I love her very much."

"But you're not alone here today," continued Rin. "You're here with us. Having lunch. Watching me watching Hisao watch that stupid demonstration on oscillating pendulums."

"T-that's right," said Hanako, after a while.

"You arrived alone, but now you're one of four. Like the Three Musketeers. Except there were four of them, really. And it was only when they were four that the three were complete. Isn't that right, Emi?"

Emi shook her head, her mouth full of seaweed and rice. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

I thought I had a better idea, but if anyone had actually read the entire book, it was Hanako. Blindsided by Rin's unusual logic, she eventually gave her such a warm smile that I didn't know she was capable of forming.

"I...I think I understand, Rin. Thank you."

"That's good!" said Emi, clapping her hands. "Four is better than three. Let's finish up and see the rest of the university!"

Hanako had become a bit more open, and revealed that she had been thinking about doing something related to Literature. Emi and I agreed that would suit her.

"Maybe you will become a famous author one day! Wouldn't that be something?"

"Oh no, I'm not nearly as good enough..."

"It just takes practice," I said. "I mean, even Emi had to start out somewhere. She was as slow as a tortoise when she first started racing."

"Hey!"

"And you'll be taught by professors and scholars and everything. I think it's a good idea. Even if you don't become rich and famous, at least you'll be doing something you love right?"

Hanako nodded shyly. "T-that's the idea."

We went over to the Department of Arts and Letters, which had collaborated with the local drama club to put on an impromptu performance of classics like Shakespeare's Twelfth Night and Murasaki's Tale of Genji. Hanako looked enthralled at the famous works of literature coming to life, and wanted to know more about their graduate program. She looked happy enough where she was, so the three of us left her and went over to check out the Art club. But before we arrived there, a large poster advertising the university's athletics team caught Emi's attention.

"I'll head to the track by myself," said Emi. "I'll meet you here in a bit. Seeya!"

It was small, but there were a bunch of students engaged in making ceramic sculptures, painting, and a few showing off their art installations. Rin and I walked around, taking in all the sights. I even stopped to speak to a few artists, keen to get their take on their own view of the world, and their creation that represented it. Although I knew Rin hated to talk about her own works, some of the artists were happy to answer my questions.

Rin stopped by a large installation featuring a dummy, a noose hanging from the ceiling, and a small video screen that played political films over and over. She stared at it for ten minutes without pause, and I knew this was something new, this was something that Rin had never seen before and it was making her look at the world in a new and different way.

I spoke quietly to a professor for a while, asking the mundane questions about tuition fees and course registration and entry requirements, the things that Rin needed to know but would never have asked on her own. I even handed over the invitation card to Rin's art exhibition, which the professor took and looked at with interest. When I was done, Rin was looking at me expectantly.

"What do you think?" I asked.

"This place makes me feel many things. Many different things. It's a bit scary, like sitting under a waterfall or letting a herd of horses gallop over the fields which is also your brain...but I think this is what I need. If I am to become an artist."

"You're already an artist, silly," I said, resting my forehead against Rin's own. "But maybe a place like this will help you to become a better one."

"I'd like that."

"Well you're lucky I'm here. I took down all the registration details for you. Come on, let's go meet Emi."

We walked out into the sunshine again, the air filled with the chatter and buzz of a hundred excited students. Emi was nowhere to be seen, and we decided to wait for her.

Fifteen minutes ticked by, and still no sign of Emi. Even Hanako found us eventually, but Emi was still missing. Rin begun a conversation Just as I was making up my mind to go look for her, she appeared out of nowhere.

"Emi, there you are. Did everything go – what happened?"

I was shocked. Emi, the tough, brash, determinedly sunny girl, the fastest thing on no legs, looked utterly miserable. If not for the utter impossibility of such a thing existing, I could have sworn that a few tears lurked at the corner of her eyes.

"Let's go Hisao. I don't want to be here any longer."

I looked helplessly at Rin, who returned a half-hearted shrug. Hanako looked dismayed at the prospect of conflict, she trailed along after us, head down. It wasn't until we were well out of the campus grounds that Emi said anything.

"Those JERKS!"

"What happened?" I asked again.

Emi stopped walking, and just stood there. But she still didn't turn around to face us.

"They said...they said I can't join their team because they don't have any facilities for disabled students. I told them, I could run just as well as anyone else, I don't need special treatment, but they just wouldn't listen!"

And to my complete shock, she buried her face in my chest and sobbed. Emi didn't sob. It wasn't who she was. Not quite daring to put my arms around her, I patted her on the back and tried to calm her down.

"Hey Emi, it's ok. It's gonna be ok."

Emi calmed down after a while, and the three of us formed a protective circle around her. Rin spoke first.

"It's not nice, being reminded that you're different," said Rin. "You forgot that back in Yamaku. Outside, it's different. We're different."

Emi glared at her, but I cut in.

"Rin's right. You're different. I'm different. We all are. But that doesn't mean the other students we met today are all the same. Or whatever coach who said you couldn't join their team. They're all different too, just that with us it's a little bit easier to see. Once we graduate we have to keep proving ourselves to people. It will never stop."

"I guess this means I can't be with you or Rin. Or you too, Hanako," said Emi.

"There's other universities," said Hanako hesitantly.

"That's true. Weren't you thinking of Tokyo U? I'm sure the capital would be more accommodating."

"You're the most yourself when you run," said Rin quietly. "You should run. If you can't run here, go and run somewhere else. But keep running. You should never stop."

Emi nodded, then threw her arms around Rin and gave her a big hug. I think I was the only one who noticed Rin readying her leg to kick Emi into the stratosphere, then relaxing as she got used to it.

"Thanks you guys."

"Shall we call it a day?" I suggested. "We could have dinner in town before heading back to school. You're welcome to join us, Hanako."

"She is?" asked Rin.

"Yes, she is," I said pointedly.

"Oh. Yes, I remember now. Yes, you're welcome to join us," said Rin. "D'artagnan to Athos, Porthos and Aramis."

"Thank you very much," said Hanako, bowing deeply.

The green hills gave way to the urban sprawl of the city, and Emi was beginning to lighten up.

"You should give me a treat, Hisao. Especially after I've suffered such a huge disappointment."

"Okay."

"I mean, I know you pinch every penny you've got, but maybe just this once you could find it in your heart to – huh?"

"I said okay. Dessert of your choice. My treat."

Emi laughed and punched me in the arm again, but more affectionately this time.

"Thank you Hisao."

"That's what I'm here for."


	3. Change

**Chapter 3 – Change **

I used to think life in high school was exhausting. Waking up early every day, having to work hard at memorising a ton of facts for a bunch of different subjects. At the end of it all lurked the spectre of exams, and the cruel line between success of failure. Even though I was better than average at my studies, I still had to work quite a bit, especially after my stay in hospital and my move to Yamaku.

However despite the workload and stress, I felt like I could keep myself on top of things. After more than ten years of the academic life, I thought I had school all figured out. Keep your head down, try not to sleep in class too often, and study hard for the exams. If I kept to that, I would be fine.

But university life was an entirely different monster.

I used to resent it at the time, but I found myself actually missing the fact that the teachers back in high school would scold you if you missed a class. Even if it was humiliating, they would at least force you to sit in class and study. University professors were the complete opposite. You signed up for their classes, and if you didn't turn up for a lecture, they couldn't care less. Oh sure you could skip classes and party hard and get drunk, but when exam time rolled around you would deeply, deeply regret it.

The lack of enforced discipline meant that I had to discipline myself, and if all those old samurai books and movies were right, that was the hardest thing in the world to master.

I knew that thousands, maybe millions of other people had managed to achieve it before me, but I still couldn't see how anyone could juggle a university workload and a job at the same time without going mad. It was coming to the point where I was beginning to dread the sound of the alarm every morning. Whether it was for my job at the bookstore or for an early class, I had to be up every day almost at daybreak. And I rarely got an afternoon or even the evening off either.

The clock jangled its shrill note and I blearily reached for it, feeling the noise bore into my skull like a drill. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, dead tired. I had a late class the night before and missed the bus getting back to the apartment. If a genie had appeared at that exact moment I would have wished for five extra minutes, ten extra minutes, and fifty years of sleep, in that order.

No such luck. It was another early shift at the bookstore for me, and I had another round of classes after that. I couldn't remember the last time I had a few spare moments to enjoy just by myself, or with my girlfriend.

I glanced over to my left. Rin was buried beneath the covers, with only her tousled red mop of hair visible. I stroked it gently, wishing she was awake. I would have liked nothing better than to have a quiet cup of coffee with Rin in the mornings before I had to leave for work. Even if she spent the whole time talking about the mating habits of polar bears or the sound the colour yellow makes, I would have enjoyed it. But Rin was working hard too, painting late into the nights, and it wouldn't be fair of me to disturb her rest.

Eventually I decided I couldn't put off my shower any longer. Rin hadn't stirred, and the hot water did take away some of my tiredness. I got dressed as quietly as possible, packed my bag and went outside to the kitchen. I swallowed my medication with some water, barely even thinking about what I was doing. It had become so routine to me it was over before I knew it. Although I was running late, I fixed some coffee and put a lid on the mug so it would remain warm. I then left it on the counter with a note.

_Hey Rin, I had to leave early for work. Remember to eat something when you wake up. There's cereal, or you can heat up the leftovers in the fridge. I'll meet you later for dinner if I can. Have a great day making art. I love you. Hisao._

A warm breeze blew into the room and ruffled my hair. Rin had left her half-finished painting and her brushes and things outside on the balcony and forgot to lock the sliding door. A quick glance at my watch told me I was running late. Even if I had left the house five minutes earlier, I would still be late for work. But I gathered up all of Rin's equipment and moved them back inside the apartment in case it rained later. I brought in the painting on its easel too, panting a little while trying to bear its weight. Then I wiped my brow and left for work.

Grabbing a cup of coffee on my way to the bookstore helped my energy levels immensely. But only for the first couple of hours or so. After stacking shelves, hunting down rare books for collectors and textbooks for students, I was flagging dangerously. My stomach was growling repeatedly too, earning odd looks from customers as they walked around the store.

My watch ticked off the hours to noon, and then fifteen minutes past it. The manager was supposed to come in and take over from me, and I couldn't leave the store if he wasn't there. I had a class at exactly half an hour past noon, and if I left on time I could just about grab something to eat and then rush to the lecture theatre. But it looked like today wasn't going to be my day.

It wasn't until half past noon when the manager arrived, looking very flustered. "I'm sorry Nakai. There was a family emergency. You can leave now."

I bowed and was out of there like a rocket. Nipping into the convenience store and buying a bun which I chewed quickly while running ate up several more minutes of my time. Then it was off to the station, where I could see the bus pulling into the berth from afar. If I missed it, I was going to be unforgivably late. I ran even faster, pumping my legs harder than I had in a long while. I caught up just as the last passenger stepped into the bus, grabbed a ticket and then grabbed a handrail to keep myself from falling over.

_Thump._

Oh. Oh, no. Please.

_Th-thump._

My heart was racing, far faster than it usually was. I struggled to stay calm and tried to slow down my heartbeat by sheer willpower. But it wasn't working.

_Th-thump._

I had remembered to take my pills before I left, but the late night and the coffee and the run wasn't helping my system at all. I clutched at my chest and closed my eyes, sweat pouring off my face.

_Thump._

Slowly, mercifully, it began to slow down. I concentrated on breathing, deep and slow, just like the nurse at Yamaku had showed me. In and out. Nice and easy. Make sure I could get the oxygen I needed.

When everything seemed more or less alright, I opened my eyes once more, and noticed nearly everyone on the bus staring at me. My little crisis hadn't gone unnoticed. Weakly, I stood up a little straighter and rubbed my eyes, trying to get my bearings. At least I didn't have far to go now. A few more stops, and then an important lecture on gravity that covered concepts I had been struggling with. At that exact moment it occurred to me that the lecture involved readings I most definitely had not read yet.

When I finally staggered into the lecture theatre, Professor Ono stopped talking in the middle of a sentence, shocked by the interruption.

"I'm sorry I'm late Professor," I said, with an apologetic bow. He didn't even bother to reply, just glared at me until I took a seat. I took out a notebook while trying hard to ignore the fact that everyone in the room was staring at me.

The lecture started up again, and I tried my best to pay attention. A few minutes went by and I realised that I was hopelessly lost. Without having done the readings, there wasn't a prayer of me understanding what Professor Ono was talking about. I tried my best to take down what notes I could, while vowing to go back and redo the entire chapter once I found the time.

Unable to follow the lecture, my thoughts inevitably turned to other subjects. Money. Food. The weather. The life and career of Nikola Tesla. And inevitably, they settled on Rin.

I wondered where she was, what she was doing. I hoped that she had something to eat, at least. At this time, she would probably be in the university's art studio, hard at work. Or she could be at the park again, watching the trees and the clouds and the sky for inspiration. Or maybe she was having a discussion with one of the university's guest lecturers. The great thing about university is that Rin could finally be among people who understood her a little better than in high school. Although she was in the art club back in Yamaku, it was a much smaller pool of students and with only one teacher. Nomiya wasn't exactly what you'd call a great teacher either.

But here Rin had access to some of the finest minds in Japan, all quietly (or loudly, if they preferred) working on their own creations, with most eager to share what they knew with like-minded students. Although Rin was still Rin, it seemed to me they understood her a little bit better than the average person would.

"NAKAI!" roared a voice, and I was jerked out of my reverie.

"S-sir?"

"Can you tell me how does gravity affect the passage of time?"

I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. I recognised what he was talking about, but I had only glanced through that chapter in my readings.

"It...causes...time dilation?"

"And would you mind explaining for us what that means?"

Of course, I couldn't answer. I shook my head. With a huff Professor Ono moved on and got the correct answer from the next student, who happened to be Tsukiko. I stared at my notes miserably, wishing they would make sense. Try as I might they refused to.

The rest of the lecture dragged on, until it mercifully ended. I packed away my stuff, feeling a little bit better. Although I still had a couple more classes for other modules, the hard part of the day was finally over.

"Nakai, I want to have a word with you," called Professor Ono from his desk.

No such luck. I fought the urge to sigh in resignation and went over to Professor Ono.

"Nakai. Do you know why you're in university?" he began.

"I want to learn, sir," I said.

"You're not exactly proving it to me. This hasn't been the first time you've been late for my classes. Do you even understand the material we're covering?"

Pride compelled me to lie, honesty deemed I should tell the truth. "Not exactly, sir. I've been having some problems. But I'll do my best to -"

Professor Ono cut me off with a wave of his hand. "It's easy to promise something and far more difficult to stick to it. Normally I wouldn't even bother, but you've been doing well in my classes so far. I'd hate for a student of mine to perform badly in the exams over something as petty as tardiness."

"Yes sir," I said, the only thing I could say. "I'll do better."

"Good," said Professor Ono. With that he left the lecture theatre, and I stood there for a moment, my face flushed from the rebuke. At least Professor Ono had waited until we were alone, but it was still stinging.

The rest of the day was less eventful, but it was only made bearable because I was looking forward to dinner with Rin. By the time my last class was over and done with, I was half-dead from hunger. I headed over to the Art department's studio, noting that the drab grey walls of my own school gave way to a wider variety of colours and more abstract designs.

There were not many artists left as it was drawing close to evening, but Rin was there, sitting off to one side. An easel with a half-finished artwork was propped in front of her, but she wasn't paying any attention to it. Instead she was staring off into space, slowly twirling a paintbrush gripped between her toes.

"Hey Rin!" I called. She turned around and smiled, and all the stress of my day just fell away in an instant.

"Hello Hisao," she said, and tilted her head upwards. I willingly gave her a kiss and put my arms around her, holding on to my girlfriend for a little bit longer than I would normally have. She nestled her head in the crook of my shoulder and I just enjoyed her warmth and closeness for a long moment.

"Is it time for dinner already?" she asked.

"I do believe it is," I said cheerily. "Would you be so kind as to allow me to escort you to dinner?"

Rin shook her head. "I'm afraid I can't."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

Rin indicated the easel. "I'm in the middle of figuring something out Hisao. If I leave right now I might not be able to catch the idea I was chasing after."

"Well..."

"It's very fragile, like a soap bubble or rice paper. Going to dinner now would be like a hurricane which would toss them around."

"I understand," I said, not wanting to show Rin that I was disappointed. An alternative idea came to mind. "What if I got some food for the both of us? We can have dinner here. Nobody's around, I don't think anyone's gonna come in and bust us."

Rin thought it over. "I guess that won't be too bad. What are you going to get?"

"I'll nip down to the campus convenience store and see what I can find."

She nodded at that suggestion, a tiny smile on her face. "I'd like that."

"I'll be back before you know it."

I left my bag in the studio and headed down to the 24 hour convenience store on campus, hoping that there would be something edible left to eat. I wandered around the aisles while the sleepy cashier kept an eye on me. I felt a sudden bond of kinship between myself and this nameless kid, how many times had I been in that exact situation myself? Stuck in the middle of a never-ending shift with barely any customers around, fighting the urge to sleep and losing the will to live. I selected a couple of microwaveable meals, got the cashier to heat them up for me and went back to the studio.

Rin hadn't moved from her position at all, she looked as though someone had frozen her in time. She was so deep in thought she didn't even look up when I entered the room. Quietly I put the packets of food down and began to dig into mine. It wasn't exactly gourmet fare, and certainly not what I imagined having for dinner earlier, but I was starving and for now it was delicious.

"Rin?" I said after a while. "The food's getting cold."

She remained still for a moment, then got up and went over to my side. Instead of sitting on a chair, she clambered up onto the table and gripped the chopsticks between her toes. I smiled, reminded of the first time I ever laid eyes on Rin.

"I think I've got it," said Rin, after a few bites.

"Got what?"

"What I needed to do. I don't think painting is enough for me any more."

"It's not? I thought you loved painting."

Rin shook her head, sending her messy hair flying. "I paint because it's what I need to do. It's comfortable. It's like...it's kind of like a journey. I'm here, and I need to get there. But I can take a train, or ride a bike, or hijack a stealth fighter jet and zoom through the sky to get there. Do you see?"

I nodded. "You're saying painting isn't the only way to express yourself. You want to experiment with other forms of art."

Rin's face lit up, and her obvious delight warmed my heart. "Yes Hisao. That's exactly it."

She leaned over and gave me a little kiss on the top of my head. I felt on top of the world.

"So what other artistic endeavours are you considering?"

"I'm not sure. Sculpting isn't for me, I think. I don't think interpretive dance would be right either."

"That seems too energetic for you."

"Yeah. I would have to get new clothes and everything. I don't think I look good in spandex."

"I'd love to see you in spandex, but maybe you're right about the dance thing."

I thought about it. My knowledge of the world of art was pretty limited, although I knew a bit from the art club. And through Rin, of course. I took an interest in art much for the same reasons other girlfriends took an interest in the sports that their boyfriends were involved in.

"Film, maybe?"

Rin looked interested. "I have never really thought about films. But I now I believe they are a brilliant way to summarise your thoughts into one finite length of time, sort of like a time capsule. Films are time capsules."

"That's not a bad way of putting it."

Rin fell silent again and I busied myself with finishing off my food. Then she muttered something so quietly I didn't catch it at first.

"What was that?"

Rin looked at me, quizzical. "I'm sorry?"

"You said something baby. I didn't quite hear it."

"Oh. No, I just...well...I think the canvas isn't enough. It isn't big enough, I mean. For the ideas. I have so many ideas coming at me, from strange angles and places I never quite considered. I've always wondered where my ideas come from. Sometimes I thought they just fell out of the sky, like rain. Other times I thought they would bubble up from within me, deep inside, like a geyser or something. Now I think it's a little bit of both."

"That's good, isn't it?" I said. "You're learning new things and being exposed to so many different points of view and experiences. I know you'll be able to make art out of that."

"What if..."

"What if what?"

Rin took a deep breath, and said her next few words in a rush. "But what if it changes me? What if I don't like the way these experiences are making me and I'm a different person than I was before?"

I got up on the table myself and held out an arm. Rin moved closer to me and leaned on my chest, and I wrapped my arm around her.

"We all change. With each day that passes," I said softly. "We can't fight it."

"But I don't want to change. I like the way things are right now. I like this school. I like our apartment. I like being with you and talking to you, Hisao. I don't want any of that to change."

Rin's voice was so laced with worry it made me scared for a moment. She must have been really bothered about this.

"I'm going to tell you a few things and I hope you listen to me. Ok?"

"Ok."

"Good. First of all, I'm not going to leave. I've said it before and it's still true. I don't know what's going to happen to us tomorrow or next month or ten years from now. But I can promise you that I'll always be here for you and I will always support you, in whatever you choose to do."

"Because you love me?"

"Because I love you. That's not going to change. No matter how hard things get."

"Ok."

"Next, change is real. Change never stops. Mr Mutou once quoted a famous scientist to me back at Yamaku, and I still remember it. 'It is not the strongest nor the most intelligent of the species that survive, but the ones most adaptive to change.'"

"Darwin," said Rin, surprising me with her perceptiveness. But then again Rin always had the ability to surprise me even when I thought I had her all figured out.

"Yeah, that's right. I like the life we have together too. But if we're going to keep it together, we need to adapt to the changes that are going to come."

"Like if I try out new kinds of art?"

"Exactly. I want you to do it, Rin. I think it will be good for you. I want you to explore and push the limits of your abilities. You won't just become a better artist. You'll be able to handle change a little bit better."

Rin looked up at me, her eyes solemn. "Hisao. Are you saying that I can change myself, and you will still be here?"

"Yes, I will," I said, staring back into Rin's deep green eyes, meaning every word I said.

"I think...I think that's all I ever wanted."

I smiled and we kissed again, and again, until it was much later and night had fallen.

"Come on baby, let's go home," I said at last, coming up for air. Part of me really didn't want to put an end to things, but the last rational part of my brain was yelling at me to get back home and snatch some sleep before another insanely long day tomorrow.

Rin looked slightly disappointed too, but she pulled away and I helped her adjust her clothing into a more or less decent state.

"Do you need me to take back this painting for you?" I said, pointing to the easel.

"No, that's ok. You can leave it here."

I threw away the rubbish and picked up my bag, and Rin's too. A huge yawn came forth from my lips, completely unexpected. Rin gave me a searching look.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Yes I am -" I started to say, and another big yawn interrupted me. "I'm just a little tired."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I am," I said, not wanting to trouble her with a story about my long and exhausting day. It would just be me whining, and I didn't want to become that kind of person.

Rin didn't look completely satisfied, but she nodded and we left the art studio. I felt a little disconcerted. I wasn't used to Rin noticing that there was anything wrong with me. The other day I was sleepily heading out of the door to get more coffee because we had just run out in nothing but my underwear, and Rin didn't see fit to give me a heads up.

I held Rin close as we walked home, talking now and then about inconsequential stuff but mainly just enjoying each other's company. If Rin needed my full support to take this next step in her career, then I would be there for her. No matter how tough things got for me.

"Thanks for the coffee."

"What coffee?"

"In the morning. Don't you remember? You left it on the counter for me, with a note. It was very sweet."

"You're welcome."

"I liked it. I'll make you coffee tomorrow. And for me too."

"I'd like that very much."


End file.
